Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Reflections on Life....

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

I am wary of anyone who displays any type of fraternity or sorority symbol on their vehicle or apparel.

I’ve decided that am all in favor of the Florida Gator state tags in Georgia. It would help identify the pizza delivery vehicles.

My friend told me I ought to open a Health Savings Account. When I asked why, he explained, “You’re not getting any younger. You might need a little extra health later on.” Yeah, he’s blonde.

I may be prejudiced, but I can’t see a former drug dealing transvestite as President.

If a dyslexic stargazer spots strange lights in the sky, is he seeing an OFU?

Sometimes I think outside of the box and rather than dismantling and rebuilding Iraq, I think simply flattening it would have been a lot more satisfying.

If men got hot flashes, there would have been a cure decades ago.

How do they know humans have between 9,000 and 10,000 taste buds? Does someone go into the mouth and count them?

I remember in elementary school we were told that in case of fire, you have to line up quietly in a single line from smallest to tallest. What’s the logic in that? Do tall people burn slower?

I was embarrassed the last time I used my ATM to buy $4 worth of ice cream until I saw a guy use his for 15 cents at the post office.

The ‘cannots’ are driving me mad! We cannot use clean coal, clean atomic energy or even windmills because we might kill a bird. We can’t use hydroelectric dams because we interrupt fish.

I still can’t believe Paula Zahn resigned from CNN. But what I really can’t believe is that I did not know she had a show on CNN.

I have decided the Georgia state motto is “Road Work Ahead” and the state symbol is the orange-and-white construction barrel.

The Florida woman who gave birth to her own twin grandchildren through in-vitro really confused her family tree. The kids are half-siblings with their own mother. Also, if there’s both a boy and a girl, doesn’t that make them their own aunt and uncle?

Life isn’t always fair. If it were, Elvis would still be alive and all those impersonators would be dead.

If a Democrat is elected in 2008, would Michael Moore go away for at least four years? There’s a great reason to cross over.

My dogs are living with one of my relatives who own a farm. They are very strict. My youngest dog now thinks his name is “No!”

Why do people ask questions they already know the answer to?

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