Saturday, March 6, 2010

Obama Grants Hot 101.5 FM Most-Favored Station Status

WASHINGTON, DC — With top Liberals, Socialists, Progressives, the station manager and several DJs looking on, President Obama signed into law Friday a measure granting radio station WXJK "Hot 101" FM, most-favored station status.

"Hot 101 plays all the hits," Obama said. "And they shall be treated accordingly."

As a result of the designation, the station — D.C.'s number-one choice for non-stop classic rock — will receive preferential treatment on all White House and Capitol Building stereos and boom boxes. Even if there is a commercial on Hot 101, the radios will remain tuned to the station.

"It has long been clear that Hot 101 rocks, and, for that matter, rocks hard," Obama said. "Playing classic cuts from Fleetwood Mac, The Who, Eric Clapton, The Doors, Peter Frampton and others, there is little doubt that the long-term diplomatic goals of the U.S. are best served by Hot 101 and its impressive roster of on-air radio personalities."

According to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Hot 101's primary advantage over its chief competitor, WLTE 98.3 FM, is that Lite 98, despite its catchy slogan, "Turn On The Lite," plays "Conservative BS music like Green Day, Blink 182 and Tears For Fears."

In addition to receiving preference on Capitol Hill radios, WXJK will enjoy extensive sponsorship opportunities. Among promotions already planned: a pre-Medicare reform vote concert party featuring DJ "Danger" Dan Matthews; a Cher concert-ticket giveaway at next Monday's Senate Finance Committee meeting; and, most eagerly anticipated of all, a Hot 101-sponsored invasion of Burmuda.

In addition, the Hot 101 Party Patrol van will be parked in front of the Capitol whenever Congress is in session, giving away free bumper stickers and CDs to legislators.

"I look forward to a long and fruitful relationship between the United States of America and Hot 101," Pelosi said. "I also look forward to another hour-long set of the best classic rock, kicking off in just a few minutes with The Doobie Brothers and The Guess Who. I especially look forward to the Readings of Karl Marx right after Worker's Party Love Songs at night"

Station employees were equally excited by yesterday's signing. "As long as the government of the United States continues to express a willingness to be rocked," PM Driveman Toad Stalin Livingston said, "then Hot 101 will keep on rocking it, rocking it all night long if need be. It'll be chaos done right."

Added zany morning DJ "Mad Dog" Mark Krantz: "Hopefully we'll get to have President Clinton on the air — and her husband too!" Krantz's irreverent remark regarding the former-First Lady, now U.S. Secretary of State, reflects his no-holds-barred, in-your-face approach, station executives explained.

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